10 habits that change boys into men

10 habits that change boys into men10 habits that change boys into menThe demise of our culture will result from the demise of its men if something isnt changed quickly. Far too many men remain directionless, devastated and scared children.Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreMale suicide rate increasedto three to four times higzu sich than the female suicide rate.Men are twice as likelyas women to become alcoholics. Andmales are far more likelyto commit juvenile crime.Much has been said and written in recent years about the challenges of men and boys. A sampling of book titles includesWhy There Are No Good Men LeftThe Demise of GuysThe End of MenWhy Boys FailThe End of Men, And The Rise of WomenBoys AdriftManning Up How The Rise Of Women Has Turned Men Into BoysA common theme is that men and boys have become increasingly confused about their identity and role in society. Kay Hymowit z, author ofManning Up, put it this wayIts been an almost universal rule of civilization that whereas girls became women simply by reaching physical maturity, boys had to pass a test. They needed to demonstrate courage, physical prowess, or mastery of the necessary skills. The goal was to prove their competence as protectors of women and children this was always their primary social role. Today, however, with women moving ahead in an advanced economy, anbieter husbands and fathers are now optional, and the character qualities men had needed to play their role fortitude, stoicism, courage, fidelity are obsolete and even a little embarrassing.It is the norm in Hollywood films, TV and cable shows, and even commercials to portray men as incompetent, immature, or self-absorbed. This underlying message has subtly and increasingly become the collective unconscious with devastating repercussions.Academically, it is reported in the United States thatGirls outperform boys now at every level f rom elementary school through graduate school.By eighth grade, only 20 percent of boys are adept in writing and 24 percent adept in reading.Young mens SAT scores in 2011 were the lowest theyve been in 40 years.According to the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES), boys are 30 percent more likely than girls to drop out of both high school and college.In 2017, women will earn more than 60 percent of bachelors and more than 63 percent of masters degrees.Boys make up two-thirds of students in special education remedial programs.Women deserve the increased success they are getting. Theyve been oppressed forfartoo long. Theyre hungrier and more motivated than most men. And hopefully, society will continue to allow them the increased equality they deserve.However, this articles focus is on helping the struggling and confused young man. Indeed, many young men have taken the adverse cues of society as an excuse to evade responsibility and never really grow up.If you are a young ma n and youre struggling,youare elend alone. This article is intended to challenge you to rethink your entire approach to life. If applied, these habits will radically set you apart from the decaying norm.1. Think BeyondYourselfKids look to their parents for all the answers. When they become teenagers they know all the answers. Many never mature out of this stage and remain incredibly narcissistic, which is displayed inthe followingwaysBelieving you are better than othersExaggerating your talents or giftsExpecting constant praise and admirationFailure to recognize other peoples emotions or feelingsExpressing disdain for those who seem inferiorTrouble keeping healthy relationshipsActing as if you have nothing to learnMoving beyond self-consciousness requires an increase in overall consciousness.By heightening your level of consciousness, youll see the brilliance of humanity in general, be able to relate deeper with others, experience greater joy, and have enhanced ability to manifest t he destiny of your choosing.The followingare ways to increase your level of consciousnessAllow yourself to experience your feelings, rather than block them out. Meditation is a helpful way to do this. You experience your thoughts and feelings, learn from them, then let them go.Let go of framing your idea of what should be and genuinely accept what is. The journey is the end, not simply a means to an end.Identify the meaningless things to which youve assigned meaning. Happiness and security can never be experienced when dependent on the external they can only be achieved internally.Begin trusting your inner voice. If you feel a prompting to bring an umbrella with you, even when the weather report says the contrary, bring it.Explore the world, experience new cultures, and have your paradigm shaken and reframed.Question your own intentions and motivations.Be humble about your own humanity.Act with love, and become aware when you are not.2. Stop Playing VideoGamesThere are a hostof both positive and negative effects of playing video games. However, approximately15 percent of American youthhave an unhealthy addiction to video games.Another study reportedthat 31 percent of males and 13 percent of females have felt addicted to video games.Naturally, boys have a strong need for accomplishment and challenge. Yet,studies suggestthat some of the most popular video games are disengaging boys from real-world pursuits. Boys need for accomplishment is satisfied by leveling up in the game so they dont feel the need to go out into the world and solve real problems. Thus, society is not being served by their efforts.Gaming often gets in the way of important relationships or meaningful life pursuits.15 percent of divorces are filedby women because their husband prefers video games over them.This point is particularly significant to me. I myself spent a large portion of my time in junior high and high school playing World of Warcraft. Literally thousands of hours logged-in and lo st.I see many of my high school friends and family members who are now in their late 20s and 30s continuing to play 4+ hours of video games per day even when married with kids.Playing video games isbeing toutedas a healthy way to escape reality. Yet, one must ask Is escaping reality (especially for extended periods of time) ever healthy?3. Learn In Healthy Environments And Lay-Off TheMedsThe industrial classroom model is killing our boys. It is not a healthy environment for them. Young boys need more physical stimulation.The result is that many are improperly and lazily diagnosed with ADHD. Their natural characteristics, emotions, passions, and gifts are being curbed by medications.Although it is not a popular notion, boys and girls are wired differently. Girls are often exclusively motivated by praise. They will perfect their handwriting just to have it noticed.Boys on the other hand, are often motivated by tangible experiences that relate to real life. Thus, many boys see no point in having good handwriting if one day they will spend their time typing. They dont care as much what other people think. They just want to be challenged.4. Get Intensive Physical StimulationShort and intensive learning spurts,followed by rigorous physical stimulation is a powerful and positive way for boys and men to learn. Rough-and-tumble play helps develop the frontal lobe of the brain, which is used to regulate behavior. Sadly, many public schools are removing gym class and recess, further exacerbating problems among boys.In the recent book,Spark The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain,authorsJohn J. Ratey and Eric Hagerman share some amazing science and stories. For instance, despite many schools removing gym-class from their curriculum, others have put more focus on it and found staggering results. When kids exercise in the morning, they learn far better. In fact, they improve in all areas of their lives. Human beings are holistic. Your brain, your emotions, y our relationships, are all tied together.If youre living a sedentary life as a man, youre not getting the needed stimulationyou need.Research has foundthat males thrive in kinesthetic learning environments learning through moving.Healthy Testosterone LevelsIntensive physical activity, like sprinting or heavy weight lifting (followed by extended rest periods) are a good outlet for mens need of physical stimulation. Moreover, these intensive physical activities can activate healthy levels of testosterone which produce many positive effects includingFat lossMuscle gainHealthier bone densityNormalized blood pressureLower likelihood ofobesityandheart attacksIncreased energyMore enjoyment of career and familyFeeling younger, stronger, sexier, and healthierHealthy sex driveStudies have foundthat healthy testosterone levels affect mens cognitive performance, and can improve focus, motivation, and memory.The Need For PhysicalPainInterestingly, boys and girls experience pain differently. For boys, physical pain can be a stimulant fueling mental clarity. On the other hand, physical pain for girls can be a narcotic, making them feel hazy and confused.Ive seen this in myself. Some of my greatest insights have come while pushing myself to the extreme while doing yard work or while exercising. This phenomenon is also seen in endurance athletes who push themselves through pain for many hours at a time.5. Take Responsibility For Your Life And Set Your Standards HighIn his book,Boys Adrift,Dr. Leonard Sax explains that boysneed not want to be responsible. If they are not needed, they dont flourish.Men step down if theyre not needed. And because of societys message that men are no longer needed, many are staying in their parents basements.Although most men will not go out of their way to take on challenges and responsibility, this is the very thing they should do if they want to thrive. Indeed, it is becoming common knowledge that perception is followed by physical experience in the form of self-fulfilling prophecy. If you believe you will succeed, you often do.If you set your sights high in life, you will achieve incredible things. In order to do this, you can no longer play the victim to circumstances. Blaming the world, your parents, school, or the challenges youve faced in life is not going to solve your problems. Its going to keep you stuck and bitter.Instead, take the time to imagine and mentally create your ideal life. Mental creationalwaysprecedes physical creation.You have the inner power to create whatever life you want to achieve. All you have to do is spend the time creating that world with intention. Write down exactly what you want in life. Set your standardsridiculouslyhigh. Dont hold anything back.Read, rewrite, and reread your ambitions often. These will soon consume your subconscious mind creating new patterns in your brain. Eventually, youll manifest the world youve been creating in your head.6. Prayer, Meditation, And JournalWritingChri stianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, and every other religious and spiritual tradition strongly stress the significance of regular prayer. Although the form of practice may be different, the purpose is the same -GratitudeInspirationSelf-realizationDeepened connection to God/existenceThe improvement of humanity as a wholePrayer (and modifications such as meditation and gratitude journals) areregularly foundto increase physical and mental well-being.For me, I often combine prayer with journal writing as a form of meditation. I seek inspiration, direction, heightened perspective, and gratitude.Scientifically supported benefitsof prayer includeImproves self-controlMakes you nicerMakes you more forgivingIncreases your trustOffsets negative health effects of stressPeople are often turned-off by prayer, believing it is a strictly religious practice. Even if organized religion is not your thing, you can still have a positive and healthy relationship with prayer.7. Earn GoodFriendsY ou are who you surround yourself with. Theres no way around it. If you want to evolve past your current state, you need to remove yourself from the negative forces in your life. This will not be easy. Misery loves company.However, when you decide to remove yourself from negative people and instead surround yourself with people who uplift and inspire you your life will dramatically improve.Take the leap. Invite your friends to come along with you. If they dont understand your needed evolution, kindly bid them a loving farewell.8. Commit Fully ToSomeoneWere supposed to believe that relationships tie people down, that they are the death knell for creativity and ambition. Nonsense. Ryan HolidayWith all the productivity and success advice going on in the world today,very little is writtenabout the benefits of finding a spouse who supports you and makes you better.It is quite rare for people to stay committed to anything or anyone these days. There are countless fatherless children. Many seek easy sexual prey followed by the internal pit of emptiness too afraid to reveal and confront their true identity.Research has foundthat committed relationships can reduce the chance of illness and increase the length of life. Other benefits of long-term commitment in relationships includeGreater sense of life satisfactionIncreased happinessA host of practical benefits, such as shared assets and childrenLess likely toengage substance-abuseDecreased likelihood of depression and neglect of ones healthChoose your love, love your choice. Thomas MonsonI got married at age 24. Ive never felt restrained by that decision, only liberated. Now 29, we have three foster children, what most would consider a huge blow to our freedom.This could not be further from the truth in my experience. Instead, Im challenged to become a better person every day. Im challenged to think beyond my own needs and to learn patience, humility, and love.I would never make such monumental decisions without prayer, fasting, meditation, and journaling. However, when youre in a state of clarity, you can follow your intuition and consistently make good decisions. As Malcom Gladwell expounds in Blink,snap decisions are often more accurate than well-thought-out ones.Of course, marriage isnt easy. Its the hardest thing Ive ever done. But why choose the easy path? As a man, challenge and responsibility is precisely what is needed to thrive.9. Fall In Love WithLearningOrdinary people seek entertainment. Extraordinary people seek education and learning.We now live in a world where you no longer need to go to college (or high school) to become educated. At your fingertips is an unlimited and ever-increasingly well of information. You can become an expert at anything.Many of the worlds most successful people attribute their success to a love for learning. They often read one or more books per week. With a few books, you can learn how to build wealth, healthy relationships, and the life of your dreams.Wi th more information and education, you will make better lifestyle choices. Youll be less likely to have destructive addictions and make ignorant decisions.Youll be more likely to surround yourself with brilliant people, learn new languages and explore the world, come up with solutions to the worlds problems, and have passion and zest for life.Stop gaming and start reading. Therealworld awaits. And its amazing.10. Take BiggerRisksDont fail by default. Richard Paul EvansRichard Paul Evans, the famous writer, often tells a story of being a shy high school kid. In one of his classes, he sat next to the girl of his dreams. He spent an entire year wishing he could work up the courage to ask her out. But he never ended up talking to her.Why would she be interested in a loser like me?he would say to himself.A few years later, at a high school reunion, they met and talked.I just have to ask Why didnt you ever ask me out?she asked.I always liked you and hoped you would talk to me.Evans was sh ocked.He had been wrong that entire time and missed the opportunity he spent over a year dreaming about. In that moment, he determined toneverfail by default again.If Im going to fail, Im going to fail big,he has said.If I fail, Im going to fail after giving it everything Ive got.Stop playing life small. Date people that seem absurdly out of your league. Theyre not only in your head.Dont be conservative in your career until youre in your 40s. There is little risk while youre young, energetic, and motivated. Now is the time to take huge risks. Embrace rejection and failure. In turn, embrace enormous and unimaginable success.ConclusionYou can have whatever life you choose.Dont be afraid to dream big for yourself.Have the courage to seize that life and trulylive, rather than only imagining living.The world needs you.How I Turned $25,000 Into $374,592 In Less Than 6MonthsIve created a free training that will teach you how to become world-class and successful at anything you choose.Acces s the free trainingherenowThis article first appeared on Medium.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins daily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people